September 10, 2016

STRONGLY WORDED LETTER

Hey God,

Sorry so disrespectful on the salutation, but I have a bone to pick with you. I've been putting up with this menstruation nonsense for way too long and it got me thinking on how you FUCKED US WOMEN OVER on this shit!  I mean, I've been bleeding for about three decades, every month for 5-7 days....OUT OF MY VAGINA...mind you!  That's no joke. Do you know how many pairs of panties that have been ruined due to this 'monthly gift' you gave to us?  Well, I don't have an exact number but I feel you owe me at least $4,000.  BUT THAT'S NEITHER HERE NOR THERE!  What I want to do right now is request a CHANGE ORDER on how you construct our female reproductive organal system.

Here's what needs to go down:

You've got this shit all fucking backwards.  It makes me think you hate women. I don't like to believe this but after the period revelation I had this week now I think maybe it's true.  The way you need to make periods is to UNMAKE THE FUCKING PERIODS!  There is NO NEED for us to have to shed our uterine fucking lining for seven days!  What you need to start instituting during your 'creational process' for every female that is scheduled to be born from heretofore on, is to REVERSE THIS SHIT!

Yes, an egg will come down once a month.  But...get this...there is no cushy, bloody uterine lining waiting to receive it.  It's just all "dry creekbed" down there.  The egg sits around waiting for a sperm.  Just chilling out as norm.  But when Mr. Wonderful doesn't show up after a few...the egg just gets peed out or whatever.  Bye Bye egg!  Just floats away into the toilet or bush on a river of urine.  BUUUTTTT.....if Mr. Wonderful DOES show up.....that's when...via hormonal changes due to fertilization kicking in....the body produces all that bloody uterine lining to house the now fertilized egg.  THE BLOODY MESS ONLY NEEDS TO SHOW UP AFTER THE EGG IS FERTILIZED!!! COME ON!!! THIS IS SO OBVIOUS! ARE YOU SMARTER THAN A FIFTH GRADER?!?!?!

Sorry. Sorry... It's just...the solution is so obvious and so easy, it's like, maybe you did that shit on purpose or something to keep us from fucking a lot during our periods or something.  I don't know. Maybe you have stock in the sanitary products companies or something. All I'm asking is you change up evolution for this one tiny adjustment. You'll gain a LOT of female followers if you do. No joke. You'll probably even get that blue checkmark on Twitter you've always wanted.

It's obviously too late for me.  I make this request for all the girls of the future who like clean panties.

My apologies for all the disrespect and swears. But, YOU try bleeding for all this time and not be grumpy.

Sincerely,
Me

p.s. If you can put in a good word to some major publishers about my novel, that would be great. Thanks.